110 E. Schiller Street, Suite 320, Elmhurst, IL 60126

Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC312-605-4041

CHICAGO
 ⚫ PARK RIDGE
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IL divorce lawyerIn the United States, divorce is not uncommon. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an estimated 22 percent of marriages dissolve before they celebrate their fifth anniversary and that number increases by the 20-year mark when an estimated 53 percent of all first marriages have ended. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons, but whatever the reason, the divorce is still likely to be riddled with tension, stress, and emotion.

Even if you and your spouse communicated well during your marriage, things will likely be much different during the divorce process. A peaceful divorce is possible, but effective communication is key to making that work. Here are a few tips to help you improve your communication with your spouse during your Illinois divorce:

  • Determine what your boundaries are. First, you should set clear boundaries for communication. You and your spouse were once very close to one another and it can be easy for you to cross a boundary without even realizing it. Make it clear to yourself and to your spouse what those boundaries are, such as when you are available to talk and in what form (phone, text, email, etc.)
  • Keep the children out of it. Since you have begun the divorce process, you have likely heard it a thousand times -- keep your children out of your affairs. If you have children, it is important that they know that you are getting a divorce, but they do not need to know every little detail of your divorce, nor do they need to be privy to any arguing or disagreements between you and your spouse.
  • Consider hiring a mediator. In some cases, hiring a divorce mediator or other family specialist can help you effectively communicate with one another. The role of a mediator is to help keep you and your spouse on track when you have conversations, especially if you always seem to end up in an argument when you try to discuss something related to the divorce. A mediator can give you tools to guide yourself through your conversations.

Discuss Your Case With Our Elmhurst, IL Divorce Attorneys

Having good communication in a divorce is important if you are aiming to have a smooth and peaceful divorce. Without effective communication between you and your spouse, everyone’s tensions are higher, including your children's’ and other family members. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we have experience dealing with many types of divorce cases, from extremely high-conflict cases to simple uncontested divorces. Contact our skilled DuPage County divorce lawyers today at 312-605-4041 for a consultation.

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IL divorce lawyerThere are so many things that you and your spouse must figure out before you can actually settle your divorce. You must determine how you will divide your marital property, who will live where, whether or not either of you are entitled to spousal support and the list goes on. When you have children, that list is even longer because you must also determine how you and your spouse will share parenting time, how parental responsibilities will be allocated, how much child support will be paid each month and where the child will live. With all of that, finally signing on the dotted line of your divorce agreement can seem like finishing a marathon.

However, when you divorce a spouse that you have children with, you will never truly be completely divorced from them. In fact, some of the same issues that you had to settle during your divorce may pop up again if you or your spouse ever get remarried. An Illinois divorce lawyer can help you request a modification of your divorce agreement in case either you or your ex get remarried.

Remarriage and Spousal Maintenance

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) states that any obligation to pay maintenance is terminated when the spouse receiving the maintenance remarries or cohabits with another person on a permanent, conjugal basis. The person receiving the maintenance also has a duty to notify the paying party before he or she gets married, as the maintenance payments end the day the cohabitation begins.

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IL divorce lawyerEnding a marriage is no easy decision, especially when you are a parent. As soon as you have children, your life is no longer about just you and you must also take into consideration how your actions will affect your child. Many parents put off the divorce and stay together for the kids in unhappy marriages in an effort to protect their children from the negative effects of divorce.

Studies have shown that it is not the divorce itself that leaves lasting effects on children, but rather, being exposed to their parents’ constant conflict was responsible for causing negative effects. There is no way to completely shield your child from your divorce, but understanding how your child might react to your divorce can help you prepare and guide them through the coping process.

Effects on Children

Each child is different and is going to react differently to divorce based on a variety of factors, but age and maturity level are two of the biggest factors affecting your child’s reactions. The age your child is when you get a divorce will also help you determine how you should help your child cope with the stress of the divorce. Here are the effects commonly observed in children of different age groups:

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IL divorce lawyerAny parent would agree that they would never do something to purposefully upset their child. Yet, for many children, divorce can be an upsetting event that can affect them deeply. Many parents are conflicted over whether or not they should get a divorce because of the effect it can have on their children. However, multiple studies have shown that children can adjust relatively easily to divorce as long as they are not subjected to their parent’s arguments and are kept out of the conflict. Still, many parents feel guilty when they decide to get a divorce. Here are a few tips to help you combat any guilt you may feel during your divorce:

Talk to Your Children About It

Feeling guilty is a normal feeling that many divorcing parents have. It is OK to feel this guilt and it usually helps to be honest with your children about what you are feeling. This does not mean that you have to convey messages that you do not mean, but it may help you feel better if you tell your children that you truly are sorry for the sadness the divorce is causing them.

Remember You Are Not A Bad Parent

One of the most important things to remember is that you are not a bad parent. Making the decision to get a divorce is usually not only made for your wellbeing but the wellbeing of your children. Though they might not know it yet, making the decision to get a divorce is in their best interest in the long run.

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IL divorce lawyerWhen there is trouble in your marriage, you and your spouse have to work together to try to overcome the issues that you are experiencing. In some situations, both spouses may not be on the same page or willing to cooperate with one another. No matter the situation, making the decision to end the marriage involves tons of difficult and conflicting emotions. This conversation is likely going to be one of the most stressful and heartbreaking conversations you will ever have with your spouse. Here are a few things that you should keep in mind when you break the news of divorce to your spouse:

  1. Think before you make your decision. Before you tell your spouse that you want to get a divorce, you should make absolutely certain that this is what you want. Once you bring up the “D-word,” you cannot take it back. You should take your time to think your decision through before you say anything.
  2. Plan how you will break the news. Once you are certain that you want to get a divorce, you should begin thinking of how you should set up the conversation. Think about everything from what kind of mood they are in when you tell them to the location that you have the conversation. If you have children, you should ideally wait until there is a time that your children are not home.
  3. Be thoughtful of what you say. Next, you should give some thought to what you will say to your spouse and how you will say it. At this point, you have probably gone through a lot of stress and fighting with your spouse through the years. This conversation will not go any better if you use accusatory words such as “you should have,” or “you never.” Focus on how you and your spouse are unhappy and you think a divorce is the best idea.
  4. Be prepared for your spouse’s reactions. Your spouse’s reaction to the news of the divorce can be varied. Some people may be surprised by the news of their spouse wanting a divorce, but most people will usually know that something is not right in the relationship. Whatever the reaction to the news is, you should be prepared to stay focused and not get defensive.

Contact an Elmhurst, IL Divorce Lawyer

Making the decision to get a divorce does not come easy to most people. For many couples, months or even years of struggling, therapy and attempted reconciliation have preceded the divorce process. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we can help you through every step of the divorce process, no matter which step you are currently at. To schedule a consultation with our skilled DuPage County divorce lawyers, call us at 312-605-4041.

 

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