Any parent would agree that they would never do something to purposefully upset their child. Yet, for many children, divorce can be an upsetting event that can affect them deeply. Many parents are conflicted over whether or not they should get a divorce because of the effect it can have on their children. However, multiple studies have shown that children can adjust relatively easily to divorce as long as they are not subjected to their parent’s arguments and are kept out of the conflict. Still, many parents feel guilty when they decide to get a divorce. Here are a few tips to help you combat any guilt you may feel during your divorce:

Talk to Your Children About It

Feeling guilty is a normal feeling that many divorcing parents have. It is OK to feel this guilt and it usually helps to be honest with your children about what you are feeling. This does not mean that you have to convey messages that you do not mean, but it may help you feel better if you tell your children that you truly are sorry for the sadness the divorce is causing them.

Remember You Are Not A Bad Parent

One of the most important things to remember is that you are not a bad parent. Making the decision to get a divorce is usually not only made for your wellbeing but the wellbeing of your children. Though they might not know it yet, making the decision to get a divorce is in their best interest in the long run.

When there is trouble in your marriage, you and your spouse have to work together to try to overcome the issues that you are experiencing. In some situations, both spouses may not be on the same page or willing to cooperate with one another. No matter the situation, making the decision to end the marriage involves tons of difficult and conflicting emotions. This conversation is likely going to be one of the most stressful and heartbreaking conversations you will ever have with your spouse. Here are a few things that you should keep in mind when you break the news of divorce to your spouse:

1. Think before you make your decision. Before you tell your spouse that you want to get a divorce, you should make absolutely certain that this is what you want. Once you bring up the “D-word,” you cannot take it back. You should take your time to think your decision through before you say anything.
2. Plan how you will break the news. Once you are certain that you want to get a divorce, you should begin thinking of how you should set up the conversation. Think about everything from what kind of mood they are in when you tell them to the location that you have the conversation. If you have children, you should ideally wait until there is a time that your children are not home.
3. Be thoughtful of what you say. Next, you should give some thought to what you will say to your spouse and how you will say it. At this point, you have probably gone through a lot of stress and fighting with your spouse through the years. This conversation will not go any better if you use accusatory words such as “you should have,” or “you never.” Focus on how you and your spouse are unhappy and you think a divorce is the best idea.
4. Be prepared for your spouse’s reactions. Your spouse’s reaction to the news of the divorce can be varied. Some people may be surprised by the news of their spouse wanting a divorce, but most people will usually know that something is not right in the relationship. Whatever the reaction to the news is, you should be prepared to stay focused and not get defensive.

Contact an Elmhurst, IL Divorce Lawyer

Making the decision to get a divorce does not come easy to most people. For many couples, months or even years of struggling, therapy and attempted reconciliation have preceded the divorce process. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we can help you through every step of the divorce process, no matter which step you are currently at. To schedule a consultation with our skilled DuPage County divorce lawyers, call us at 312-605-4041.

Having a child puts everything into perspective. Instead of focusing on yourself, your goal is to make sure your children are happy, healthy, and grow up to be successful, well-adjusted adults. Many people falsely believe that the best situation for children is having two parents who are in a relationship with one another, but staying together for the kids can actually do more harm than getting a divorce.

Studies have shown that children who are subject to constant stress and conflict have more issues with anxiety, depression, anger, and social difficulties. However, there are also studies that show children whose parents divorced are actually well-adjusted and successful, suggesting there is a way you can help your children through divorce.

Helping Your Children Through the Process

If you are getting a divorce, you should be proactive about how you deal with the situation if you have children. Here are a few ways you can minimize the impact your divorce has on your children:

There is no arguing that an uncontested divorce is easier for everyone involved. When divorces are amicable, there is less arguing and less stress involved in the process. You also get to complete your divorce at your own pace when the divorce is uncontested. The state of Illinois even offers a specific divorce process for couples who do not have any major disagreements or extenuating circumstances surrounding the divorce.

Joint Simplified Divorce Requirements

The joint simplified dissolution procedure is a set of guidelines to help couples get a quick and easy divorce. However, not everyone can use this set of guidelines. There are certain requirements that couples must meet before they can file for a joint simplified divorce. A couple can only file a joint petition for a simplified dissolution if:

• Neither spouse is dependant on the other spouse for financial support, or each spouse is willing to waive the right to support
• At least one spouse has been a citizen of Illinois for at least 90 days
• The requirement for irreconcilable differences has been met
• No children were born of the marriage and the wife is not currently pregnant
• The couple was married for less than eight years
• Neither spouse has any interest in real property or retirement benefits
• The total value of all marital property is less than $50,000, the combined gross annual income is less than $60,000 and neither spouse has an income of more than $30,000
• Both spouses have disclosed all assets, liabilities and tax returns for all years during the marriage
• Both spouses have agreed to a plan to distribute marital assets and allocate debts and liabilities among themselves
• The spouses have agreed to a plan for the ownership and responsibility of any companion pets

The requirements for a joint simplified dissolution can be quite restricting. Not every couple will qualify for a joint simplified dissolution, but that does not mean you cannot file for an uncontested divorce. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we offer a flat rate for uncontested divorce packages and can help you and your spouse stay on the uncontested track.

Social distancing guidelines have been in place for weeks in an effort to slow the rapidly spreading coronavirus. Nearly every aspect of our lives has been affected by this situation, including governmental and legal matters. In Cook County, the circuit court has changed some of its guidelines as to how court functions will take place during this pandemic. One of the changes includes how prove ups for a divorce are permitted to take place during this time. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, we have already utilized these new guidelines to conduct prove ups since the courts have been closed. This has resulted in successful outcomes for our clients in their divorce cases. 

What Is a Prove Up?

When a couple has an uncontested divorce, they must take steps to finalize their divorce and make it official. To do this, they are required to attend a hearing before a judge, allowing the judge to review their agreements and ensure that the agreements are fair and in the best interest of any minor children involved in the divorce. Once the judge signs the divorce agreement, the divorce is final. This chain of events is commonly referred to as a prove up. Prove ups are typically required to be in person, with everything in writing, though such circumstances have temporarily changed due to the reduction in court operations.

Requirements for Oral Prove Ups

The Cook County circuit court has put measures into place to allow couples to finalize their divorce remotely. If a couple wishes to have their prove up conducted remotely, they must sign a document stating they agree to do so. The agreement, as well as all required documents, must be submitted to the court via email. The agreement must contain a requested date, time and method of communication, such as Skype or a conference call. The court will then respond with a confirmation of your chosen date and time or a new date and time for the prove up.