Any parent would agree that they would never do something to purposefully upset their child. Yet, for many children, divorce can be an upsetting event that can affect them deeply. Many parents are conflicted over whether or not they should get a divorce because of the effect it can have on their children. However, multiple studies have shown that children can adjust relatively easily to divorce as long as they are not subjected to their parent’s arguments and are kept out of the conflict. Still, many parents feel guilty when they decide to get a divorce. Here are a few tips to help you combat any guilt you may feel during your divorce:

Talk to Your Children About It

Feeling guilty is a normal feeling that many divorcing parents have. It is OK to feel this guilt and it usually helps to be honest with your children about what you are feeling. This does not mean that you have to convey messages that you do not mean, but it may help you feel better if you tell your children that you truly are sorry for the sadness the divorce is causing them.

Remember You Are Not A Bad Parent

One of the most important things to remember is that you are not a bad parent. Making the decision to get a divorce is usually not only made for your wellbeing but the wellbeing of your children. Though they might not know it yet, making the decision to get a divorce is in their best interest in the long run.

When there is trouble in your marriage, you and your spouse have to work together to try to overcome the issues that you are experiencing. In some situations, both spouses may not be on the same page or willing to cooperate with one another. No matter the situation, making the decision to end the marriage involves tons of difficult and conflicting emotions. This conversation is likely going to be one of the most stressful and heartbreaking conversations you will ever have with your spouse. Here are a few things that you should keep in mind when you break the news of divorce to your spouse:

1. Think before you make your decision. Before you tell your spouse that you want to get a divorce, you should make absolutely certain that this is what you want. Once you bring up the “D-word,” you cannot take it back. You should take your time to think your decision through before you say anything.
2. Plan how you will break the news. Once you are certain that you want to get a divorce, you should begin thinking of how you should set up the conversation. Think about everything from what kind of mood they are in when you tell them to the location that you have the conversation. If you have children, you should ideally wait until there is a time that your children are not home.
3. Be thoughtful of what you say. Next, you should give some thought to what you will say to your spouse and how you will say it. At this point, you have probably gone through a lot of stress and fighting with your spouse through the years. This conversation will not go any better if you use accusatory words such as “you should have,” or “you never.” Focus on how you and your spouse are unhappy and you think a divorce is the best idea.
4. Be prepared for your spouse’s reactions. Your spouse’s reaction to the news of the divorce can be varied. Some people may be surprised by the news of their spouse wanting a divorce, but most people will usually know that something is not right in the relationship. Whatever the reaction to the news is, you should be prepared to stay focused and not get defensive.

Contact an Elmhurst, IL Divorce Lawyer

Making the decision to get a divorce does not come easy to most people. For many couples, months or even years of struggling, therapy and attempted reconciliation have preceded the divorce process. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we can help you through every step of the divorce process, no matter which step you are currently at. To schedule a consultation with our skilled DuPage County divorce lawyers, call us at 312-605-4041.

When you have children with another person, you will forever be connected to that person, whether you like it or not. Divorcing couples who have minor children must figure out some sort of agreement for how they will divide their parenting time and how they will allocate their parental responsibilities. Most parents will opt to agree to co-parenting, meaning you work together with your child’s other parent to raise them. However, co-parenting requires a specific degree of communication and cooperation, which not all couples have. For some high-conflict couples, a parallel parenting agreement is a much better option.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

In a normal co-parenting relationship, both parents are able to communicate and are willing to cooperate with one another as they raise their children. In some situations, however, that is not possible. Couples who have exhibited an inability to get along with one another may do better in a parallel parenting situation. Parallel parenting is similar to co-parenting, but with parallel parenting, the parents are disengaged from one another and have limited communication with one another. This style of parenting is meant to reduce the conflict between the parents and the tension that the children may feel.

Benefits of Parallel Parenting

Though it is not necessary for all couples, there can be many benefits to parallel parenting for couples who need it. The basis of parallel parenting is to reduce the amount of interaction between the parents, which in turn reduces the likelihood that you and your spouse will fight or argue in front of the children. Studies have shown that children do not respond to conflict well and can actually suffer long-term consequences if they are constantly exposed to it. In cases where parents cannot seem to get along, parallel parenting is in the best interests of the children.

Parents and caregivers alike can agree that children are expensive. This is why it is generally agreed that both the mother and the father have an obligation to provide financial support for any children they have. When the parents are not married or they are getting a divorce, a child support order can be entered to ensure both parents contribute their fair financial share. Child support is calculated using a formula that incorporates both parents’ income, amount of parenting time, and whether or not they have other child support or spousal maintenance obligations.

However, monthly child support obligations do not always cover all costs associated with raising a child. There are expenses that will appear that are not accounted for in the monthly child support obligation. You are not required to address them in your parenting plan or support order, but doing so can save time and stress in the long run.

Dividing Your Child’s Additional Expenses

For some parents, decisions about how expenses are allocated can be made as needed, however, this type of arrangement typically only works if the parents are on good terms with each other and they are willing to compromise. In most cases, it would behoove you to try to address any foreseen additional expenses in your parenting plan or support order before your case is finalized. These expenses can include:

For many people, the largest asset they own is their home. Real estate can make for some tricky situations when it comes to the asset division process of divorce. Everything must be divided, including real estate, like your family home. While cutting your home down the middle will not help you out, there are three viable ways you can deal with your marital home during your divorce: keep the home under joint ownership, sell the home or have one spouse own the home in their name only.

To Appraise or Not to Appraise?

Getting an actual appraisal for your home is an important step in the process. You may think you are able to estimate how much your home is worth, but it is actually in your best interest to get a home appraisal so you have a legitimate figure of how much you are working with. There are many reasons why someone would want to have their home appraised, which include:

• Ensuring the estimated value of your home is accurate
• The divorce court requires a current official appraisal of your home
• The value of your home may have changed since you last had it appraised
• Having proof of a specific numeric valuation in the case their spouse disputes the value

Preparing for Your Appraisal

During a home appraisal, an inspector will come to your home and assess its value based on square footage, lot size, measurements, photos, the number of rooms in the home, and the condition of the property. The appraiser will also factor in things such as the neighborhood demographics, housing trends, available utilities, and other details about your home.