Coming to the realization that divorce is in your near future is no easy task. Going into your marriage, you likely did not even consider that divorce would be a possibility. Whether you have been married for a few years or a few decades, the pain that comes along with an ending relationship can be like no other. The emotional turmoil can be even greater for divorcing parents. Not only does the decision to divorce involve you and your spouse, but you also have to consider the implications that ending your marriage will have on your kids.

Rarely does anyone come to the conclusion of divorce lightly. Perhaps you have had a challenging relationship for years on end, and you are finally realizing that being apart might actually be better for everyone involved—children included. While watching your parents get divorced is undoubtedly difficult for kids of any age, seeing your parents happier as the dust settles can be an even more important lesson for children: Your happiness in life matters. While the early stages and legal process of your divorce will be challenging as a parent, with the following information in hand, you can enter into the process fully prepared for what is to come.

Many people have looked at sweet, elderly couples and romanticized their decades-long marriages, lamenting a social era that is often said to no longer exist. If you were to ask someone if they thought the divorce rate was increasing or decreasing in the United States, what do you think they would say? Many people would likely say the divorce rate has been increasing for years when in reality, it is the opposite. Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shows that the national divorce rate has decreased from a rate of four out of every 1,000 couples in 2000 to only 2.9 out of every 1,000 couples in 2018. Interestingly enough, when you look at the divorce rates for the different age groups, the groups whose divorce rates are growing the quickest are adults over the age of 50. In fact, the Pew Research Center reported that the divorce rate doubled for adults over the age of 50 and roughly tripled for adults over the age of 65 between 1990 and 2015.

When it comes down to it, divorce is an emotionally stressful process and will be difficult at any age. However, when you get a divorce later in life, there are certain issues that you should pay extra attention to that a younger person may not necessarily have as high on their list of priorities, such as retirement accounts and spousal support. Getting a divorce after the age of 50 also often means there are more property and/or debt issues that must be taken care of before the divorce can be settled. In many cases, a late-in-life divorce, or a “gray divorce,” as they have been dubbed, can become a headache of a legal mess that is best cleaned up by an Illinois divorce attorney who is knowledgeable in the issues that may present in a gray divorce.

Why Are Gray Divorces Becoming More Common?

There have been many theories as to why gray divorces have been increasing in rate in recent years. Many individuals who get divorced when they are over the age of 50 have been married for decades and in some cases, more than half of their lives. It can be hard for some people to grasp why a person would want to leave a relationship after so many years, but researchers have found a couple of common themes:

The time leading up to your wedding can be a joyous and happy time, while simultaneously a stressful and overwhelming experience for many people. In the days and months leading up to your wedding, you likely have event planning things on your mind, such as picking out the color of the table linens or making a final determination for the guest list. What many people do not think about before they get married is the financial aspect of things. When you get married to another person, you are suddenly financially intertwined with that person and are subject to things such as property division and spousal support in the event you were to ever get divorced. One way to protect your financial health is by signing a prenuptial agreement before you tie the knot. Prenuptial agreements used to carry a negative social stigma, but more people have begun to see their benefits in the past several years.

Prenuptial Agreements are Becoming More Commonplace Among Couples

Just as Bob Dylan once sang in one of his most famous songs, “the times they are-a changin’,” the marital landscape in the United States is also changing. Not too long ago, many people thought it was unsavory or tacky to get a prenuptial agreement before they were married. After all, why would you make plans for the end of the marriage before the marriage has even begun? In recent years, there has been a surge in interest in prenuptial agreements, especially among younger couples. According to a survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, around 62 percent of lawyers who responded reported that they saw an increase of prenuptial agreements between 2013 and 2016, while about half of them reported that they saw an increase in prenuptial agreements among millennials, specifically.

There are a couple of possible reasons for this surge in prenuptial agreements. First, the divorce rate in the United States has greatly increased over the past couple of decades. Depending on the source you consult, the current divorce rate is anywhere between 40 and 50 percent. Second, people are waiting to get married until they are older and consequently have accumulated more assets and property that they need to protect. The average age of individuals when they go to get married for the first time has increased significantly over the past 50 years. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average age a man was first married increased from 23.2 in 1970 to 30.3 in 2019, while the average age of a woman at her first marriage increased from 20.8 to 28.4, respectively.

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Every couple has an argument every now and again. Maybe you did not put the dishes away like you said you were going to do, or maybe your spouse forgot to pack the kids’ lunches like they were supposed to. Little things like that can pop up from time to time, but when those little problems keep coming up more often and lead to bigger and bigger fights, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. Reactions to the idea of a divorce can vary depending on the person, but you should have a pretty good grasp of the kind of personality your spouse has and how they are likely to react. 

For some people who have been in troubled or unhappy marriages, getting a divorce can seem like a breath of fresh air. However, that is not to say that those getting a divorce have it easy. In many cases, these couples end up going through difficult, contested divorces that can put them at the mercy of the court system and each other. Any divorce can become complicated fairly easily, which is why hiring a professional is nearly always recommended. If you are dealing with a contested divorce, enlisting the help of an Illinois divorce lawyer who has experience dealing with contested and complex divorce cases could benefit you greatly.

Leading Up to the Discovery Process

In today’s world, the default for most divorce cases is to utilize some form of alternative dispute resolution, such as mediation or collaborative law to complete the divorce, rather than litigating the case in the courtroom. Most of the time, litigated divorces are only used when there are special circumstances involved that would make another method inappropriate, such as if domestic violence was present in the household.