If you and your spouse have decided to file for divorce, you have made it past the first hurdle in the process. Coming to the realization that divorce is best for you and your spouse is no easy task and it can often take months, or even years, of self-realization and difficult conversations with each other. Deciding to file for divorce creates a new relationship dynamic that you have likely never experienced. If you and your spouse have children, there are additional issues that need resolving, which can also further complicate matters. When looking ahead to the future, you may be on your own for the first time in years, including making crucial decisions regarding who will represent you throughout the legal process.

Many times, the first thing on a parent’s mind when they get a divorce is how it can affect their children. Many people have said that staying together for the children is better than getting a divorce. There have been numerous studies on how divorce affects children and their well being, but their have also been many studies on how unhappy marriages affect children. Most of these studies have concluded that while a divorce is difficult for many children, staying in an unhappy marriage can be even more detrimental for children’s well being. Many times, the decision to divorce or not to divorce is made based on the children’s best interests. Here are just a couple of ways that an unhappy marriage can affect your children.

Constant Stress and Tension

If you are in a marriage where you and your spouse fight a lot, your child is experiencing some of that stress and the tension that the fights create. It is natural for children to internalize their parents, but when they internalize all of their parents’ fighting and conflict, that can lead to emotional, physical and social ailments, like depression or chronic fatigue. Even if you try to hide the fighting, children are very receptive and can sense you and your spouse's unhappiness.

Alcohol and drug abuse are issues that affect millions of people across the United States, and substance abuse is often a factor in the breakdown of a marriage. Studies have shown that there are nearly 25 million people in the U.S. who are in a marriage in which a spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict, and around 7% of divorces are the result of substance abuse issues.

If your spouse has issues with substance abuse, you will likely want to do everything you can to help them receive the treatment they need and salvage your relationship. However, sometimes divorce may be the only option, especially if your and your children’s safety and financial security are at risk. If you are planning to divorce a substance-abusing spouse, you should be aware of the following concerns:

Grounds for Divorce in Illinois

Divorce, like the loss of a loved one, can be very difficult to cope with, especially for any children involved. Specialists say that it is important for parents to understand that all children handle divorce differently. Some may be more accepting of the separation while others may have trouble coping with their parents splitting.

Age and maturity level can both impact how a child copes with divorce. Younger children, on one hand, may not fully understand what divorce means, or have a full awareness of the situation, and may not experience as wide a range of emotions. Teenagers, on the other hand, may be fully aware of the situation and may struggle, especially with the Anger or Depression stages of loss. Additionally, parents should keep in mind that siblings may handle divorce differently. Each child’s perspectives, personality, and experiences will impact how they handle their parents' divorce.

The five stages of loss and grief, such as when we lose a loved one, can also be associated with a child coping with divorce. It is important for parents to be available to help their children through each stage of the "divorce grief" process.

The biggest concern for most parents in a divorce, or when considering a divorce, is how it will affect their children.  The impact of divorce on children depends in large part on how their parents (the parties to the litigation) react to the divorce.

One of the most important things to remember when going through a divorce, is not to drag your children into the litigation.  Divorce is adult business.  Children should not have to deal with adult stressors.

Here are some ways you can avoid involving your children in divorce litigation: