Breaking the news to your spouse that you want a divorce can be a very daunting and stressful task, but it is something that is unavoidable. You may wonder how the situation will play out, how the conversation will go or how your spouse will react. Will they break down and begin to cry in desperation or will they become angry and hurt, storming out of the house? Whatever their reaction to the news of your desire to separate, there is likely to be some level of resistance from your spouse. This resistance could vary from simply needing a little nudge in the right direction to downright refusing to cooperate at all.

Divorce is notorious for being an unpleasant, nasty, and heartbreaking experience for everyone involved. People can suffer from the stress of the divorce and children can end up bearing the brunt of the trauma. Multiple studies have come to the same conclusion that it is not divorce itself that causes lasting issues for children of divorce, but rather the exposure to their parents’ conflicts and arguments that cause emotional trauma. Fortunately, most people realize what is at stake when faced with the dilemma of divorce and are willing to somewhat cooperate for the sake of preserving the family. Even if your spouse seems argumentative or combative, they can usually be persuaded to agree to a collaborative divorce once they understand the benefits.

What Is a Collaborative Divorce?

Once you have made the decision to end your marriage, you then are faced with the task of determining how you will go about getting that divorce. One method of divorce that is becoming more common and increasingly popular is collaborative divorce. In the simplest terms, a collaborative divorce is a divorce that occurs when a couple agrees to settle their divorce outside of the court system. However, for it to be a true collaborative divorce, there are certain elements that must be present and certain guidelines that should be followed to make it authentic. A collaborative divorce requires both spouses to be willing to work together in a productive, rather than a destructive manner, along with help from a team of various professionals ranging from child psychologists and divorce coaches to financial advisers and estate planners.

It is a bittersweet and painful situation to be in when you make the personal decision to end your marriage. Once you have made the decision that you no longer want to be married to or in a relationship with your significant other, it is likely that there have been issues present in your marriage for months or even years that were never resolved. Even just working up the courage to finally bring up or ask for a divorce can be a huge step for some people.

There is almost always going to be some degree of resistance from the other spouse when the topic of divorce is brought up; this is one of the real-life situations that Hollywood actually gets right most times. Think of all of the films and television shows you have seen that involve a breakup or a divorce. Do you ever remember seeing a scene where one spouse says, “I think we should get a divorce,” while the other one responds, “Yes, I agree with you,” in a level-headed manner? The chances of that are slim to none.

In reality, the non-asking spouse is likely to put up some sort of resistance to the suggestion of divorce. However, not everyone reacts to this type of rejection in the same way. Contention from a spouse can manifest in a variety of ways, from typical sadness and reluctance to fighting tooth and nail and being difficult for the sake of being difficult. Whatever the situation, divorcing a contentious spouse can be an extremely draining process that affects the entire family and can even affect you even after the fact. Hiring a divorce attorney who is trained to handle high-conflict divorces can be extremely beneficial throughout your divorce.

In the grand scheme of things, social media has not been around for very long, but it has had a tremendous effect on our lives in the time that it has been present. In 1997, the first official social media website, SixDegrees, launched, changing the way humans interact with one another forever. Since then, thousands of social media websites and apps have been created to help people communicate and connect with one another.

Today, social media is a normal part of many lives across the globe. According to data compiled by Hootsuite, a social media marketing company, about 70 percent of the American population is active on social media. However, studies are continually taking place on the effects of social media on the relationships between people and how social media can affect mood, among other things. One of the areas researchers have particularly been interested in has been how social media affects marriage and divorce.

Social Media as a Divorce Contributor

Social media is defined as any website or app that allows people to connect and communicate by sharing media, writing statuses, posting photos, sharing links, or communicating in another way. Popular social media apps include Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Skype, Reddit, Pinterest, TikTok, and many more.

In the United States, divorce is not uncommon. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an estimated 22 percent of marriages dissolve before they celebrate their fifth anniversary and that number increases by the 20-year mark when an estimated 53 percent of all first marriages have ended. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons, but whatever the reason, the divorce is still likely to be riddled with tension, stress, and emotion.

Even if you and your spouse communicated well during your marriage, things will likely be much different during the divorce process. A peaceful divorce is possible, but effective communication is key to making that work. Here are a few tips to help you improve your communication with your spouse during your Illinois divorce:

• Determine what your boundaries are. First, you should set clear boundaries for communication. You and your spouse were once very close to one another and it can be easy for you to cross a boundary without even realizing it. Make it clear to yourself and to your spouse what those boundaries are, such as when you are available to talk and in what form (phone, text, email, etc.)
• Keep the children out of it. Since you have begun the divorce process, you have likely heard it a thousand times -- keep your children out of your affairs. If you have children, it is important that they know that you are getting a divorce, but they do not need to know every little detail of your divorce, nor do they need to be privy to any arguing or disagreements between you and your spouse.
• Consider hiring a mediator. In some cases, hiring a divorce mediator or other family specialist can help you effectively communicate with one another. The role of a mediator is to help keep you and your spouse on track when you have conversations, especially if you always seem to end up in an argument when you try to discuss something related to the divorce. A mediator can give you tools to guide yourself through your conversations.

Discuss Your Case With Our Elmhurst, IL Divorce Attorneys

Having good communication in a divorce is important if you are aiming to have a smooth and peaceful divorce. Without effective communication between you and your spouse, everyone’s tensions are higher, including your children's’ and other family members. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we have experience dealing with many types of divorce cases, from extremely high-conflict cases to simple uncontested divorces. Contact our skilled DuPage County divorce lawyers today at 312-605-4041 for a consultation.

There are so many things that you and your spouse must figure out before you can actually settle your divorce. You must determine how you will divide your marital property, who will live where, whether or not either of you are entitled to spousal support and the list goes on. When you have children, that list is even longer because you must also determine how you and your spouse will share parenting time, how parental responsibilities will be allocated, how much child support will be paid each month and where the child will live. With all of that, finally signing on the dotted line of your divorce agreement can seem like finishing a marathon.

However, when you divorce a spouse that you have children with, you will never truly be completely divorced from them. In fact, some of the same issues that you had to settle during your divorce may pop up again if you or your spouse ever get remarried. An Illinois divorce lawyer can help you request a modification of your divorce agreement in case either you or your ex get remarried.

Remarriage and Spousal Maintenance

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) states that any obligation to pay maintenance is terminated when the spouse receiving the maintenance remarries or cohabits with another person on a permanent, conjugal basis. The person receiving the maintenance also has a duty to notify the paying party before he or she gets married, as the maintenance payments end the day the cohabitation begins.